The alarm goes off. I don’t want to move. My brother John is dead. His memory blankets my heart and mind. I drag myself across the house, wake my daughter, prepare her breakfast, smile as she eats, drag myself into the shower and through the process of getting ready. Drive my sweet girl to school, drag myself back to my car and shut the door. After a deep sigh I notice the plastic bag containing John’s CDs that were left in his car. It sits on my floorboard now.
“Damn it John…” I mumble through another slow breath. After a moment of silence I grab the bag, untie the top and fish out a John Fogerty CD. Noticing the smirk on John’s face I smile back, remove the CD from the case and put it in the player….
Fogerty and the Foo Fighters tear out of the speakers, it’s Fortunate Son, I turn it up louder… What a different feeling this song creates right now. I’m not thinking about politics. I’m thinking about something much different…I needed this energy, I needed this music, I needed these screaming guitars. I needed my brother. I am thankful I had him while I did…but…I want him here right now with me, experiencing this music, together…but…I can’t have him…because…He’s dead.
I’ll keep playing this music…keep playing these guitars…keep beating these drums…I will keep smiling at my sweet ones and will cherish the fact I had such a wonderful brother that his absence creates more pain than I am capable of understanding.
How fortunate I am to be the son of the same mom and dad as,
I will never stop missing you. While this pain is deep, I openly receive it in extreme thankfulness for experiencing your utterly massive brotherly love for me. I love you John! I needed you in my life. Thank you for protecting me and teaching me so many things!
You can hear the whole song in this video…
To John Fogarty and the Foo Fighters,
If by some strange sequence of events you find yourself reading this post. Thank you, I needed this musical moment…
Peace to everyone who has lost a loved one…