What was the cost of all the years we walked miles apart, brains set off. Over the top, pumped up hops poured down our burning throats. Chemicals all mixed up. Synaptic flames flung around. Floated away and there we were lost in a pit. You were manic, we were out in the cloud all our data floated and sorted out by machines of the century rolling you through sets and subsets of interrelated gigaflops. Caught in a subsystem that recycles all the lost.
Travelling shoes people wear to cover their tracks through alternate realities that loved ones only see as personality issues, instead of true sickness. Brains set aflame now ashamed of things that destroy intimacy in reality. Broken bones heal and are seen, the world understands this, but broken things in the brain? Not the same they say.
I said and wish I could have understood the good you would do when you opened the truth in black and white, put it all out there for those who care and don’t care. You stood up strong and took the bullet, I swear into the silent wind blowing where you stood and stared into the devils eyes. You beat him down again, and again you will rise through the ashes of the sins we shared: hard hearts and minds testing time…and here I am alone in time, you stepped away outside of time, I hope to see the hands and find the peace you found while you were here in line, in time.
You saved our lives when we couldn’t breathe to save ourselves. You walked out the truth I could only speak to. I always wanted to be you, but now I see your pride in me was true, if only I could return to those days when I would follow you to watch you be you in hopes that I could pretend to wear your clothes just like you, walk in those same shoes you walked in every day. Fought through all the valleys who attempted to destroy you. It’s so late for me to see these things I missed before yesterdays, but your voice is telling me to fight true and be the me I’ve held inside to try to keep beneath the church pew. I can not be the things I need to complete in time without you, but here I am about to walk alone, mom and dad miss you, J.P. does too, and I, your little brother, need to say I love you. So I hope the Wind can carry, “You were a rock,” up to you.