I am holding, reaching and looking for a place.
Seeking out some truth in all these things
I knew all along but missed so much before the day you died,
now you’re gone.
We were standing right there,
Could have turned to face, to speak, at any time.
Alive to lose the walls and say new things.
It was too much then and too much now.
I float around inside these clouds,
and skip and dance and sing…
and weep and cry…
and wring out more sorrow than I ever knew
Could pour from this soul of mine.
You were the kind of brother
Every other would try to emulate.
You fought hate,
opened doors and tested everything.
Now only shadows of you remain
Around every corner and every turn.
Your name stains the well and wheels that churn my shame
Into flowing water rushing down this stream of consciousness,
Pushing out pain in the name of the one
We discussed and chased and challenged.
It was no race, only a slow paced gaze
At the beauty we both knew was true.
A realm of reception unknown
By our important petty discussions.
We dreamed together and fought together.
You crushed my hand under the water.
Our vision surrounded by silt and sediment
But you held on.
Now I inspect it and see the truth that was you.
A brother’s love that loss and time and pain
Will never ever, ever undo.