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I Needed Your Opinion

Posted on April 1st, 2015

Dear John,

About nine months ago I needed your opinion but there was no phone number or street address I could use to reach you…

Yeah I know you can’t read this but I’m putting it here anyway. I’ve tried to get work done today but it’s not coming easy. I’ve tried to smile a lot but it’s not easy. I’ve tried to feel happy but that’s not easy either. To put it lightly, I really really really wish you wouldn’t have died a year ago. I want to argue with you. I want to complain about you giving me, your little brother, your opinion far too much. I want to get in the car with you and drive to Florida to see John Paul play baseball. I want to tell you about all the cool things Big Nick is doing. I want you to see how big Lauren and Ellie have grown. I want you to hear me laugh about how much mom was bugging me the other day when she kept telling me I didn’t need to ride my bicycle at night. I want your help making fun of Dad over the lunch table and then asking him to pay for the food.

The other day I needed your opinion but there was no phone number or street address I could use to reach you. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!

One of my main bicycle routes takes me past the house you built and we shared when I was in college. I always ride by real slow as the memories shine down. Whew, rooming with your older brother can be fun and difficult at the same time. I swear you used to get on me about washing my dishes every single day! But your bathtub, which our guests could see, was one of the scariest things I had ever seen! Double standard dear brother, double standard. LOL! I don’t know who laid the molding in that house but you and I had to putty 500,000 nail holes before we could paint it and be finished. You asked my opinion on so many things while building that house and I acted like I didn’t care too much. But the truth is I was extremely proud that you wanted my opinion. I was proud that you chose the brick pattern I thought was cool for the kitchen floor. Your idea to re-purpose those stones from the old grotto and use them as the centerpiece of the front yard was beautiful. I have always been impressed with your constant creativity and drive.

I’ve used a lot of “I”s in this letter, but I miss you, especially today.

Today I need your opinion but there is no phone number or street address I can use to reach you.


 

EX2-Tomasz-Kozlowski-poland3The header image is borrowed from saatchiart.com. All rights belong to Tomasz Kozlowski.

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