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Do You Remember?

Posted on June 3rd, 2015

Do You remember when I finally reached the point to tell You to fuck off and leave me alone? Do You remember all the times I have done it since then? Do You know the amount of pain in me? I can hold no more! Do You know the fear that consumes me?

I am soaked through. But then when I look up in silence after the storm to crawl a little more through this gunk and mud, there I see You. Standing over me umbrella in hand, storms still tumbling. I lament and curse and sit here trying to figure out this. This relentless pursuit that is You. If You can track me why can’t You just fix me? If You hunt me why don’t You just kill me? I feel like a toy and You’re the cat batting me around, but then again…I don’t understand, what I long to believe could be real. You could really love me, but then comes that word…fair…it’s just not fair! I thought love, to quote Corinthians, was patient and kind, bore all things, etc. What the fuck?

Is that what this is? Some grand pursuit? I don’t know. I don’t understand. But while I sit here and heal again would You please sit with me and keep holding that umbrella? I can’t handle another drop of rain. I can’t do it alone.

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