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Healing Through Tool

Posted on October 21st, 2015

There’s this album called Lateralus by this band named Tool. A few years ago the album came to life for me. I had listened to it many times since it’s release in 2001 and had always appreciated it…but…then painful things started happening in my life causing the lyrical content to become an amazing source of strength, encouragement and wisdom to help me find life in the midst of pain and death; from holding on to anger to being the target of another’s anger; watching my brother fight and battle mental illness; watching my son battle to live and overcome handicaps; tragically and unexpectedly losing my brother to death; surviving a difficult divorce; continuing to heal from all of these things to become me again.

Humanity NEEDS music and art. They provide a medium of communication and healing that nothing else can provide…nothing…


 

Lateralus – by Tool

The Grudge:

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Calculate what we will or will not tolerate. Desperate to control all and everything. Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip ’em to the lonesome end. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum, prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again. Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down. Justify denials and grip ’em to the lonesome end. Saturn ascends, comes round again. Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity. Calculate what we will or will not tolerate. Desperate to control all and everything. Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen. Wear your grudge like a crown. Desperate to control. Unable to forgive. And we’re sinking deeper. Defining, confining, controlling, and we’re sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything, lets you choose what you will not see and then drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again. Spits you out like a child, light and innocent. Saturn comes back around, lifts you up like a child or drags you down like a stone to consume you till you choose to let this go. Give away the stone. Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor. Give away the stone. Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold. Let go.

The Patient:

A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful. Is this a test? It has to be, otherwise I can’t go on. Draining patience, drained vitality, this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act’s a little old. But I’m still right here giving blood, keeping faith, and I’m still right here. Wait it out, gonna wait it out, be patient, wait it out.

If there were no reward to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I’ve chosen here, I certainly would’ve walked away by now. Gonna wait it out. If there were no desire to heal a damaged and broken man along this tedious path I’ve chosen here, I certainly would’ve walked away by now. And I still may…sigh…I still may.

Be patient, I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to heal, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I’ve chosen here, I certainly would’ve walked away by now. And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.

Schism:

I know the pieces fit ’cause I watched them fall away, mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing. Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion, disintegrating as it goes testing our communication. The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so we cannot seem to reach an end, crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit ’cause I watched them tumble down. No fault, none to blame, it doesn’t mean I don’t desire to point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over. To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication. The poetry that comes from the squaring off between, and the circling is worth it, finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away, mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting. I’ve done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing. Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers, between supposed brothers.

I know the pieces fit.

Parabol:

So familiar and overwhelmingly warm, this one, this form I hold now. Embracing you, this reality here, this one, this form I hold now. So wide eyed and hopeful. Wide eyed and hopefully wild. We barely remember what came before this precious moment. Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside. This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone. In this body, makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion.

Parabola:

We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment. We are choosing to be here, right now. Hold on, stay inside this holy reality, this holy experience. Choosing to be here in this body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone, in this body. This body holding me. Feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion.

Alive, I in this holy reality. In this holy experience. Choosing to be here in this body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in this body. This body holding me. Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion.

Twirling round with this familiar parable. Spinning, weaving round each new experience. Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.

Embrace this moment. Remember, we are eternal. All this pain is an illusion.

Ticks & Leeches:

Suck and suck. Suckin up all you can. Suckin up all you can suck. Workin up under my patience like a little tick. Fat little parasite. Suck me dry. My blood is bruised and borrowed. You thieving bastards, you have turned my blood cold and bitter, beat my compassion black and blue.

Hope this is what you wanted. Hope this is what you had in mind. Cuz this is what you’re getting. I hope you’re choking. I hope you choke on this. I hope you’re choking. I hope you choke on this.

Taken all I can, taken all I can, we can take. Taken all you can, taken you can, we can take. Got nothing left to give to you. Blood suckin, parasitic, little blood suckin parasitic, little blood suckin parasitic, little tick. Take what you want and then go.

Hope this what you wanted? Hope this what you had in mind? Cuz this this is what you’re getting.

Suck me dry, suckin me dry, Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Is this what you wanted? Cuz this is what you’re getting.

I hope, I hope, I hope you choke.

Lateralus:

Black then white are all I see in my infancy. Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. Lets me see, as below, so above and beyond, I imagine drawn beyond the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Black then white are all I see in my infancy. Red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me. Lets me see there is so much more and beckons me to look thru to these infinite possibilities. As below, so above and beyond, I imagine drawn outside the lines of reason. Push the envelope. Watch it bend.

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind. Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line. Reaching out to embrace the random. Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

I embrace my desire to, I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral, to swing on the spiral, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

With my feet upon the ground I move myself between the sounds and open wide to suck it in. I feel it move across my skin. I’m reaching up and reaching out. I’m reaching for the random or whatever will bewilder me, whatever will bewilder me. And following our will and wind, we may just go where no one’s been. We’ll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one’s been.

Spiral out. Keep going.

Spiral out. Keep going.

Disposition:

Mention this to me, mention something, mention anything…and watch the weather change.

Reflection:

I have come curiously close to the end. Down beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole, defeated, I concede and move closer. I may find comfort here. I may find peace within the emptiness. How pitiful. It’s calling me… And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping, the moon tells me a secret – my confidant. As full and bright as I am this light is not my own, and a million light reflections pass over me. It’s source is bright and endless. She resuscitates the hopeless. Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting. And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt. Don’t wanna be down here feeding my narcissism. I must crucify the ego before it’s far too late. I pray the light lifts me out before I pine away. So crucify the ego, before it’s far too late to leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical. And you will come to find that we are all one mind capable of all that’s imagined and all conceivable. Just let the light touch you, and let the words spill through, and let them pass right through bringing out our hope and reason…before we pine away.

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